Lincoln NE (SN) - July 4th marks the middle of summer, and Nebraskans are poised to celebrate America with cookouts, beers, and videotaping fireworks in the dark. Lancaster county comptroller Gary Robards predicts this year to be the biggest year yet for taking dark, blurry, videos of fireworks. Says Robards, “We are really excited. There… Continue reading Patriotic Nebraskans Celebrate America by Videotaping Fireworks in the Dark
Lincoln NE (SN) - As Lincoln's 2019 primary election comes to an end, the race of mayoral favorites and city council hopefuls culminates with obvious winners and losers. The biggest losers being the 17% that voted yes (or no) to an increase in sales tax for roads repair who now have to read complaints about… Continue reading 235,497 Lincolnites Choose Not to Vote on Whether or Not Their Taxes Will Increase
No one knows more about the highest political office, held entirely by grumpy straight males, than grumpy straight males like you. You're a political junkie, and the 2020 race has officially started. Time to whip your dick out and start measuring it publicly. How else are your followers going know that Bernie Sanders just isn't… Continue reading Facebook Friends “Delighted” to Read Your Pompous Mansplaining About Democratic Presidential Candidates
Lincoln NE (SN) - It has been a terrible week for mediocre pizza chain higher ups, as an audio file, leaked early Thursday morning, of a recent conference call where Valentino's Pizza company president Tony Messineo praised the Iowa Hawkeyes. "You have to admit it, Iowa has been figuring it out, while we keep paying coaches… Continue reading Valentino’s President Resigns After Supporting Iowa Hawkeyes in Leaked Conference Call Audio
Washington DC (SN) - Lincoln rock band Freakabout will be packing the Bourbon Theatre in their hometown this Friday for hundreds of eager fans, minus one United States Vice President Mike Pence, who will regretfully not be attending due to his wife having a prior engagement. "I had the tickets purchased and everything." The Vice… Continue reading Vice President Mike Pence Refuses To Attend Freakabout Album Release Show Without His Wife
Columbus NE (SN) - 37-year-old landscaper and basic training dropout Davey Johnson accomplished the impossible Tuesday night, convincing a tight knit group of regional Facebook friends to reverse their opposition of President Donald J. Trump and the Republican party with a perfect storm of comments and YouTube links. "I had just gotten done dropping my… Continue reading Right Wing Whack-job Achieves the Impossible, Gets Entire Anti-Trump Facebook Thread to Switch Parties
