Hastings Nebraska (SN) - A simple appearance and a short speech for a pro-life rally at St. Cecilia's Catholic Church went sideways Thursday night after a clearly labeled vial of death penalty drugs fell from Governor Pete Rickett's suit jacket during a speech. The vial, labeled "Daddy's Lethal Injection Cocktail!" which proceeded to bounce off… Continue reading Ricketts Scrambles to Pick up Clearly Labeled Vial of Death Penalty Drugs After It Falls from His Pocket During Speech
The Ricketts family, owners of TD Ameritrade and one of two Chicago based major league baseball clubs, made the announcement that they would be selling the Chicago Cubs to further invest their stake in American politics. Nebraska Governor Pete Ricketts explained the decision: "After our tepid start to the season our family feels it's time… Continue reading Ricketts Family to Sell Chicago Cubs Franchise
Greetings bald, thumb/cock skull enthusiasts! Smell Nebraska has reluctantly dedicated this week to Nebraska's 40th Governor. We aren't sure why. Stay tuned throughout the week for #smellpricketts coverage old and new, and please, honor and share the hash tag. -Editor
Lincoln NE (SN) - In a statement over the weekend, Governor Pete Ricketts offered thoughts and prayers to the victims in this weekend's mass shootings in El Paso, Texas and Dayton, Ohio. “I send our thoughts and prayers to all those impacted by these senseless shootings, and we will also raise our flags to half… Continue reading Governor Ricketts Offers Thoughts And Prayers, 29 Dead Texans and Ohioans Come Back To Life
Lincoln NE (SN) - Due to the unprecedented flooding and destruction the state has endured over the last month, Nebraska Governor Pete Ricketts has declared April 7th as a Statewide Day of Prayer. Ricketts, eschewing the constraints of the separation of church and state and channeling his inner Charlemagne, issued the phony baloney proclamation on… Continue reading Ricketts Decrees April 7th as Statewide Day of Prayer, God: “Thank U, Next.”
Voyaging as far away from either ocean as you can in the United States of America, you may stumble across Nebraska. We are a simple and proud bunch, after all, we live THE GOOD LIFE. We may be as bland as the white mom one-note chili cooked by one-note white Midwestern moms, but our non-spiced… Continue reading Nebraska Changes Tourism Slogan: “Our Football Team Doesn’t Win and Our Governor Looks Like A Human Cock”
Lincoln NE (SN) - The stars have aligned, and Nebraska Governor Pete Ricketts will finally fulfill a campaign promise, executing a death row inmate, and just days shy of his 54th birthday on Sunday, August 19th. An aide reported the Governor is "obviously, very excited." "Unless some bull-shit red tape of an appeal spawns out… Continue reading Governor Pete Ricketts Finally Completes His Life’s Work of Killing a Death Row Inmate Just Days Before His 54th Birthday
Omaha NE (SN) - The National Rifle Association has announced that it will be holding its annual convention at the Von Maur department store in Omaha's Westroads Mall later this year. The location was finalized just days after Nebraska Governor Pete Rickett's invitation to the organization. "We want your convention in Nebraska. Nebraskans love our… Continue reading NRA to Hold Annual Convention at Westroads Mall Von Maur Location
Lincoln NE (SN) - In a statement Thursday, Governor Pete Ricketts offered thoughts and prayers to the victims in Wednesday’s school shooting in Parkland Florida. “I send our thoughts and prayers to all those impacted by this senseless shooting, and we will also raise our flags to half staff because that makes a huge difference… Continue reading Governor Ricketts Offers Thoughts And Prayers, 17 Dead Floridians Come Back To Life
Lincoln NE (SN) - Frustrated with his inability to kill death row inmates with illegally imported drugs, Governor Pete Ricketts has ordered ‘accidental’ prison yard shankings to mete out death penalty sentences. “My administration has tried everything to kill off these guys, but thanks to Federal laws we are not allowed to use humane drugs… Continue reading Governor Ricketts Orders Prison Yard Shankings for Death Row Inmates
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