nebraska strong, thoughts & prayers

Ricketts Decrees April 7th as Statewide Day of Prayer, God: “Thank U, Next.”

Lincoln NE (SN) - Due to the unprecedented flooding and destruction the state has endured over the last month, Nebraska Governor Pete Ricketts has declared April 7th as a Statewide Day of Prayer. Ricketts, eschewing the constraints of the separation of church and state and channeling his inner Charlemagne, issued the phony baloney proclamation on… Continue reading Ricketts Decrees April 7th as Statewide Day of Prayer, God: “Thank U, Next.”

From the editor, white people

Nebraska Changes Tourism Slogan: “Our Football Team Doesn’t Win and Our Governor Looks Like A Human Cock”

Voyaging as far away from either ocean as you can in the United States of America, you may stumble across Nebraska. We are a simple and proud bunch, after all, we live THE GOOD LIFE. We may be as bland as the white mom one-note chili cooked by one-note white Midwestern moms, but our non-spiced… Continue reading Nebraska Changes Tourism Slogan: “Our Football Team Doesn’t Win and Our Governor Looks Like A Human Cock”

executions, politics

Governor Pete Ricketts Finally Completes His Life’s Work of Killing a Death Row Inmate Just Days Before His 54th Birthday

Lincoln NE (SN) - The stars have aligned, and Nebraska Governor Pete Ricketts will finally fulfill a campaign promise, executing a death row inmate, and just days shy of his 54th birthday on Sunday, August 19th. An aide reported the Governor is "obviously, very excited." "Unless some bull-shit red tape of an appeal spawns out… Continue reading Governor Pete Ricketts Finally Completes His Life’s Work of Killing a Death Row Inmate Just Days Before His 54th Birthday

mass shootings in the usa, politics

Governor Ricketts Offers Thoughts And Prayers, 10 Dead Texan Children Come Back To Life

Lincoln NE (SN) - In a statement over the weekend, Governor Pete Ricketts offered thoughts and prayers to the victims in Friday's school shooting in Sante Fe Texas. “I send our thoughts and prayers to all those impacted by this senseless shooting, and we will also raise our flags to half staff because that makes… Continue reading Governor Ricketts Offers Thoughts And Prayers, 10 Dead Texan Children Come Back To Life

politics, sports n snorts, TLDRsdays

Ricketts Family to Sell Chicago Cubs Franchise

The Ricketts family, owners of TD Ameritrade and one of two Chicago based major league baseball clubs, made the announcement that they would be selling the Chicago Cubs to further invest their stake in American politics. Nebraska Governor Pete Ricketts explained the decision: "After our tepid start to the season our family feels it's time… Continue reading Ricketts Family to Sell Chicago Cubs Franchise

Uncategorized

NRA to Hold Annual Convention at Westroads Mall Von Maur Location

Omaha NE (SN) - The National Rifle Association has announced that it will be holding its annual convention at the Von Maur department store in Omaha's Westroads Mall later this year. The location was finalized just days after Nebraska Governor Pete Rickett's invitation to the organization. "We want your convention in Nebraska. Nebraskans love our… Continue reading NRA to Hold Annual Convention at Westroads Mall Von Maur Location

Uncategorized

Governor Ricketts Offers Thoughts And Prayers, 17 Dead Floridians Come Back To Life

Lincoln NE (SN) - In a statement Thursday, Governor Pete Ricketts offered thoughts and prayers to the victims in Wednesday’s school shooting in Parkland Florida. “I send our thoughts and prayers to all those impacted by this senseless shooting, and we will also raise our flags to half staff because that makes a huge difference… Continue reading Governor Ricketts Offers Thoughts And Prayers, 17 Dead Floridians Come Back To Life