Lincoln NE (SN) - Jacob Campbell sure is running for Lincoln’s south-central District 29. We're not really sure who he is, but South Lincoln residents are well aware that he is indeed running. "I wanted to prove to the people of South Lincoln that I have absolutely no environmental record," Campbell said. "So on day… Continue reading Jacob Campbell for Legislature Really Wants You To Know Jacob Campbell is Running for Legislature
Lincoln NE (SN) - It is election day in Lincoln, and the >1% of the population that are registered voters are ecstatic, but not as floored as the >1% of THAT number that will actually be voting today. Today they will change the political climate in the star city forever. "I've got my cutest outfit… Continue reading 2200 Lincolnites Instagram Their “I Voted” Sticker Today to Prove They Are Better Than You
No one knows more about the highest political office, held entirely by grumpy straight males, than grumpy straight males like you. You're a political junkie, and the 2020 race has officially started. Time to whip your dick out and start measuring it publicly. How else are your followers going know that Bernie Sanders just isn't… Continue reading Facebook Friends “Delighted” to Read Your Pompous Mansplaining About Democratic Presidential Candidates
Lincoln NE (SN) - With the Democratic "Blue Wave" in Nebraska looking more like a blue gas station slushie ignorantly thrown next to a recycle bin outside a vapor cigarette store, the left is pointing the blame to lazy and pompous Millennials in the Midwest. "We are enrolling our youth in these silly arts and… Continue reading Left Wing Youth Decided Not to Vote, Blue Wave Would Have Meant Less Likes on Their Political Facebook Posts
Lincoln NE (SN) - In a campaign ad, Senator Deb Fischer proudly proclaims that they call her “blunt” in Washington. A quick survey of her colleagues shows that is not exactly true. “I don’t know about ‘blunt,’ says Senate Minority Leader Chuck Shumer (D-NY). “We call her something very close to that, but not ‘blunt.’… Continue reading Deb Fischer Mistakenly Believes They Call Her “Blunt” in Washington
Omaha NE (SN) - The Reptilians, a sect of lizard people living among us, have officially endorsed Taylor Royal (R) for Nebraska State Treasurer. The Reptilian spokesthing, Glabnar Svvvevyn, issued a statement on Thursday afternoon. “We feel that Taylor Royal is the best human for the job of Nebraska State Treasurer,” said Svvvevyn. “He is… Continue reading Reptilians Officially Endorse Taylor Royal for Nebraska State Treasurer
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