halloween, political correctness

“Pissy, Know-It-All, Offended, Social Justice Warrior” Deemed Only Non-Offensive Halloween Costume

Lincoln NE (SN) - It is Halloween in the Star City, and drunken college students are eagerly putting the finishing touches to a wild array of costumes to wear downtown tonight so that one of their friends on social media can become horribly offended. "Oh you're a breathalyzer. Well, as someone that has gotten three… Continue reading “Pissy, Know-It-All, Offended, Social Justice Warrior” Deemed Only Non-Offensive Halloween Costume

halloween, Slow Nuesday

Vala’s, Roca Berry Farm Pumpkin Patches Compete for Most Expensive Fried Dough

Gretna NE (SN) - Halloween is almost upon us in the "Not For Everyone" state, and nothing is getting spookier than the dwindling bank accounts of Nebraskan parents, swindled into debt tombs at the state's local pumpkin patch attractions. "You know what's scary? Paying $45 dollars for me and my children to stand in line… Continue reading Vala’s, Roca Berry Farm Pumpkin Patches Compete for Most Expensive Fried Dough

gambling, local government

Nebraska Powerball Tickets to be Printed on Cheap, Single-Ply Toilet Paper for Addicted Low Income Parents

Lincoln NE (SN) - Things are abuzz at the Nebraska Lottery headquarters in Lincoln with the jackpot rising to $620 million on Wednesday. Lottery officials are in awe of wise investments from Nebraskans and ready to expand their methods of "giving back to the community." "We at Nebraska Lottery headquarters are just blessed to be… Continue reading Nebraska Powerball Tickets to be Printed on Cheap, Single-Ply Toilet Paper for Addicted Low Income Parents

health, netflix, Slow Nuesday

CDC Reports Outbreak of Nebraskans Missing 2 Days of Work to Binge Watch New Season of “Making a Murderer”

Lincoln NE (SN) - Businesses across the country are doubling up on hand sanitizer as an influx of employees are coming down with the "Netflix and chills" following the entertainment streamer's sudden release of the entire second season of the crime docuseries "Making a Murder." "It hit me, like, out of the blue" said Nelnet… Continue reading CDC Reports Outbreak of Nebraskans Missing 2 Days of Work to Binge Watch New Season of “Making a Murderer”

school lunches, smell the kids

Nebraska School Served Non-Vegan, Non-Gluten-Free Meat in Chili; Yoga Teacher Superintendent Says It Won’t Happen Again

Beatrice NE (SN) - A Beatrice elementary school is in a stockpot of hot water Friday as news broke of the school cafeteria serving a non-vegan, non-gluten-free chili to their students. This news comes just days after the discovery that a junior/senior high school in the Panhandle had served a kangaroo meat chili earlier this… Continue reading Nebraska School Served Non-Vegan, Non-Gluten-Free Meat in Chili; Yoga Teacher Superintendent Says It Won’t Happen Again

From the editor, white people

Nebraska Changes Tourism Slogan: “Our Football Team Doesn’t Win and Our Governor Looks Like A Human Cock”

Voyaging as far away from either ocean as you can in the United States of America, you may stumble across Nebraska. We are a simple and proud bunch, after all, we live THE GOOD LIFE. We may be as bland as the white mom one-note chili cooked by one-note white Midwestern moms, but our non-spiced… Continue reading Nebraska Changes Tourism Slogan: “Our Football Team Doesn’t Win and Our Governor Looks Like A Human Cock”

food & dining

Hurts Donut Lincoln Unveiling New Donut That Doesn’t Completely Destroy the Roof of Your Mouth

Lincoln NE (SN) - Fried confection scientists at Hurts Donut Company's Lincoln location announced Wednesday that they had finally mastered a new donut recipe that won't completely tear up the roof of your mouth on the first bite rendering the entire experience very unpleasant. Smell Nebraska reporters sat down with head baker Nancy Spaulding at… Continue reading Hurts Donut Lincoln Unveiling New Donut That Doesn’t Completely Destroy the Roof of Your Mouth