caronavirus, health, public safety

Nebraska Millenials Hopeful Enough Old People Die From Coronavirus so Nebraska Can Move Into the 21st Century

Lincoln NE (SN) - COVID-19 is spreading quickly in the United States, and with those older than 60 at the highest risk, Nebraskan Millenials are daring to ask the question everyone is thinking but doesn't have the guts to ask: Maybe that isn't such a bad thing? "I mean Hillary wouldn't have been the nominee… Continue reading Nebraska Millenials Hopeful Enough Old People Die From Coronavirus so Nebraska Can Move Into the 21st Century

health, public safety

Men’s Room Sink at Duffy’s Tavern Used for the First Time

Lincoln NE (SN) - Reports started to pour in Friday morning that the sink in the men's room at Duffy's Tavern started to function as normally intended. The sink, located on 1412 O Street, had apparently never been turned to the "on" position until that moment, leaving bar staff and patrons baffled. "I didn't even… Continue reading Men’s Room Sink at Duffy’s Tavern Used for the First Time

lincoln exposed, lincoln is a music city

108 “MEH” Bands and 7 Actual Bands Storm Star City

Lincoln NE (SN) - The Lincoln Exposed music festival rocked out it's 15th year over the last week, leaving stunned local music fans asking, "Wait what time is that one actually good band playing? And at what bar?" "Lincoln. Is. A. Music. City" shouted one attendee. "Do you guys wanna go to Sandy's until Freakabout… Continue reading 108 “MEH” Bands and 7 Actual Bands Storm Star City

enjoy your v.d.

Entire Heart Shaped Valentino’s Pizza Not Enough to Fill the Emptiness Inside

Lincoln NE (SN) - Determined to take on another Valentine's Day alone, Michael McDermont, 36, gently nestled a boxed pizza in the shape of a heart onto his beer can cluttered coffee table. "It has become kind of a tradition," McDermont told reporters, "I love being single. Don't have to worry about nothin'." Michael carefully… Continue reading Entire Heart Shaped Valentino’s Pizza Not Enough to Fill the Emptiness Inside

thoughts & prayers, weather

Ricketts Announces Wednesday a “Statewide Day of Prayer” That Anyone Makes It to Work on Time

Lincoln NE (SN) - Heavy snowfall rocked Lincoln Wednesday morning, blanketing roads and thwarting fond memories of last weekend’s beautiful weather. The overnight dusting affected morning commutes so significantly that Nebraska Governor Pete Ricketts had no choice but to offer his religious support. “I have announced that today, February 5th, 2020, be a statewide day… Continue reading Ricketts Announces Wednesday a “Statewide Day of Prayer” That Anyone Makes It to Work on Time

Frost Advisory, Immigration

Conservative Lincolnites Finally Agree; Fuck I.C.E.

Lincoln NE (SN) - Heavy blizzard conditions swept the Star City over the weekend, bringing intense cold temperatures, and rendering hundreds of frozen roads unsafe to navigate. Perhaps even more extreme was the shifting of right wing Lincolnites' opinions regarding the U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement Federal Agency; as a sea of "Abolish I.C.E." posts… Continue reading Conservative Lincolnites Finally Agree; Fuck I.C.E.

politics, This how Trump Gone Win Again

Nebraska Bernie Bros & Warren Weenies Talk Shit on Social Media

Omaha NE (SN) - With the 2020 Iowa Caucuses less than three weeks away, Iowa Dems are scrambling to settle on their pick for Democratic Presidential Candidate, yet it seems the real action this week is taking place in neighboring Nebraska, where whiny white males are taking their POTUS commitments to social media, and calling… Continue reading Nebraska Bernie Bros & Warren Weenies Talk Shit on Social Media

2020, New Year Same Smell

You’re so Vain, You Probably Think This Article Is About You

It is officially January 2nd, 2020, and Smell Nebraska's crack team of writing staff have finally completed browsing your countless, and horribly bland "End of the year" Instagram stories. Suppose it is time to do some self reflecting and projections of our own. Being the realest, hippest, and most-accurate fake news webpage in Nebraska isn't… Continue reading You’re so Vain, You Probably Think This Article Is About You

failed businesses, total failure

Tumbleweed Family Excited to Blow Around the Empty Railyard

Lincoln NE (SN) - A family of four tumbleweeds were discovered blowing around in the uninhabited Railyard development Tuesday morning, even making their way to the vacant third floor, where the Rule G Night Club recently closed forever. The rapey frat bar was one of few remaining tenants dating from the development project's grand opening… Continue reading Tumbleweed Family Excited to Blow Around the Empty Railyard

Hot Dogs In Tortillas, white people

Downtown Lincoln Amigos to Serve It’s Last Microwaved Hot Lettuce Soft Taco

Lincoln NE (SN) - The downtown Lincoln Amigos location, known for its cool hangs and the spiciest authentic Mexican ranch dressing nachos, will be closing later this month. Growth Management Corp, owner of the 14th and Q location, announced the 37 year old downtown staple would be closing on December 13th. "I was ordering real… Continue reading Downtown Lincoln Amigos to Serve It’s Last Microwaved Hot Lettuce Soft Taco