gaming, homophobia, politics

Mayoral Runner-Up Returning to Job as Villain in Nintendo Boxing Game

Kyoto Japan (SN) - With her dreams of becoming mayor of Lincoln, Nebraska completely smashed to pieces Tuesday night, former one-term city councilwoman Cyndi Lamm must return to her lifelong career of being an evil boxer in a Nintendo game. "We allowed Lamm to take a sabbatical from our game to pursue her dreams of… Continue reading Mayoral Runner-Up Returning to Job as Villain in Nintendo Boxing Game

politics, sniff out the vote

2200 Lincolnites Instagram Their “I Voted” Sticker Today to Prove They Are Better Than You

Lincoln NE (SN) - It is election day in Lincoln, and the >1% of the population that are registered voters are ecstatic, but not as floored as the >1% of THAT number that will actually be voting today. Today they will change the political climate in the star city forever. "I've got my cutest outfit… Continue reading 2200 Lincolnites Instagram Their “I Voted” Sticker Today to Prove They Are Better Than You

politics, potholes

Cyndi Lamm Begins Work on the South Lincoln Beltway

Lincoln NE (SN) - In an effort to prove she is the right pick to be Lincoln’s next mayor, Cyndi Lamm began work on the much anticipated South Lincoln Beltway. “Lincoln has dragged it’s feet on this project for too long. It’s time someone actually did something about it and that someone is me.” Lamm,… Continue reading Cyndi Lamm Begins Work on the South Lincoln Beltway

From the editor, politics

Facebook Friends “Delighted” to Read Your Pompous Mansplaining About Democratic Presidential Candidates

No one knows more about the highest political office, held entirely by grumpy straight males, than grumpy straight males like you. You're a political junkie, and the 2020 race has officially started. Time to whip your dick out and start measuring it publicly. How else are your followers going know that Bernie Sanders just isn't… Continue reading Facebook Friends “Delighted” to Read Your Pompous Mansplaining About Democratic Presidential Candidates

politics, true love

Smitten Legislative Page Hoping He Gets Called on to Help Sen. Anna Wishart

Lincoln NE (SN) - Seated on a bench at the front of the Nebraska Legislature, 20 year-old legislative page Craig Thompson nervously awaits his next assignment, praying and hoping it’s to help second year representative Anna Wishart. “Oh man, oh man, oh man, oh man, oh man,” the googly-eyed Thompson whispered to himself. “I’m up… Continue reading Smitten Legislative Page Hoping He Gets Called on to Help Sen. Anna Wishart

dancing elected officials, politics

Photo Surfaces of High School Junior Deb Fischer Sitting Alone at Prom, Never Asked to Dance by Anyone

Lincoln NE (SN) - With the controversy surrounding young, dancing, elected officials at it's peak in US history, newly discovered photo evidence is now bringing United States Senator Deb Fischer (R-NE) to the limelight. The image from a high school prom, leaked by an anonymous former classmate, shows the [then] 16 year old Senator in… Continue reading Photo Surfaces of High School Junior Deb Fischer Sitting Alone at Prom, Never Asked to Dance by Anyone

food safety, politics

CDC Romaine Lettuce Warning Revealed as Ploy to Keep Vegan Socialist Granddaughter from Family Thanksgiving

Atlanta GA (SN) - Less than 24 hours after the Center of Disease Control and Prevention announced a multi-state outbreak of E. coli producing romaine lettuce, scientists have discovered that the only real sickness was some politically induced family drama. "I'll tell you what makes me sick at the dinner table" said disgruntled CDC investigator… Continue reading CDC Romaine Lettuce Warning Revealed as Ploy to Keep Vegan Socialist Granddaughter from Family Thanksgiving