thoughts & prayers, weather

Ricketts Announces Wednesday a “Statewide Day of Prayer” That Anyone Makes It to Work on Time

Lincoln NE (SN) - Heavy snowfall rocked Lincoln Wednesday morning, blanketing roads and thwarting fond memories of last weekend’s beautiful weather. The overnight dusting affected morning commutes so significantly that Nebraska Governor Pete Ricketts had no choice but to offer his religious support. “I have announced that today, February 5th, 2020, be a statewide day… Continue reading Ricketts Announces Wednesday a “Statewide Day of Prayer” That Anyone Makes It to Work on Time

Frost Advisory, Immigration

Conservative Lincolnites Finally Agree; Fuck I.C.E.

Lincoln NE (SN) - Heavy blizzard conditions swept the Star City over the weekend, bringing intense cold temperatures, and rendering hundreds of frozen roads unsafe to navigate. Perhaps even more extreme was the shifting of right wing Lincolnites' opinions regarding the U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement Federal Agency; as a sea of "Abolish I.C.E." posts… Continue reading Conservative Lincolnites Finally Agree; Fuck I.C.E.

politics, This how Trump Gone Win Again

Nebraska Bernie Bros & Warren Weenies Talk Shit on Social Media

Omaha NE (SN) - With the 2020 Iowa Caucuses less than three weeks away, Iowa Dems are scrambling to settle on their pick for Democratic Presidential Candidate, yet it seems the real action this week is taking place in neighboring Nebraska, where whiny white males are taking their POTUS commitments to social media, and calling… Continue reading Nebraska Bernie Bros & Warren Weenies Talk Shit on Social Media

2020, New Year Same Smell

You’re so Vain, You Probably Think This Article Is About You

It is officially January 2nd, 2020, and Smell Nebraska's crack team of writing staff have finally completed browsing your countless, and horribly bland "End of the year" Instagram stories. Suppose it is time to do some self reflecting and projections of our own. Being the realest, hippest, and most-accurate fake news webpage in Nebraska isn't… Continue reading You’re so Vain, You Probably Think This Article Is About You

failed businesses, total failure

Tumbleweed Family Excited to Blow Around the Empty Railyard

Lincoln NE (SN) - A family of four tumbleweeds were discovered blowing around in the uninhabited Railyard development Tuesday morning, even making their way to the vacant third floor, where the Rule G Night Club recently closed forever. The rapey frat bar was one of few remaining tenants dating from the development project's grand opening… Continue reading Tumbleweed Family Excited to Blow Around the Empty Railyard

Hot Dogs In Tortillas, white people

Downtown Lincoln Amigos to Serve It’s Last Microwaved Hot Lettuce Soft Taco

Lincoln NE (SN) - The downtown Lincoln Amigos location, known for its cool hangs and the spiciest authentic Mexican ranch dressing nachos, will be closing later this month. Growth Management Corp, owner of the 14th and Q location, announced the 37 year old downtown staple would be closing on December 13th. "I was ordering real… Continue reading Downtown Lincoln Amigos to Serve It’s Last Microwaved Hot Lettuce Soft Taco

hacky sacks, mass shootings

All Omaha Music Venues to Ban Every Band That Isn’t a Dave Matthews Band Cover Band Following Fatal Shooting

Omaha NE (SN) - In response to the, still unsolved, murder of 23 year old Michael Rowell, every musical host in the greater Omaha, Nebraska area will only allow musical guests prepared to cover songs originally written by the Dave Matthews Band. The team decision, reluctantly came after a deadly shooting on August 9th, after… Continue reading All Omaha Music Venues to Ban Every Band That Isn’t a Dave Matthews Band Cover Band Following Fatal Shooting

a-parently, education, smell the kids

Lincoln Parent to Take First Day of LPS Off of Work, Only Human to Ever Work Job and Raise Child at the Same Time Deserves a Break

Lincoln NE (SN) - Lincoln Public Schools are kicking off their school year Monday, and with children pointing their heads deep into their schoolwork and their parents adding sack lunches and morning drop-offs to their daily grind, one mother deserves a "me day." "I've been dealing with my Jonathan all summer" said Lincoln mother Brenda… Continue reading Lincoln Parent to Take First Day of LPS Off of Work, Only Human to Ever Work Job and Raise Child at the Same Time Deserves a Break

#smellpricketts, whoopsie!

Ricketts Scrambles to Pick up Clearly Labeled Vial of Death Penalty Drugs After It Falls from His Pocket During Speech

Hastings Nebraska (SN) - A simple appearance and a short speech for a pro-life rally at St. Cecilia's Catholic Church went sideways Thursday night after a clearly labeled vial of death penalty drugs fell from Governor Pete Rickett's suit jacket during a speech. The vial, labeled "Daddy's Lethal Injection Cocktail!" which proceeded to bounce off… Continue reading Ricketts Scrambles to Pick up Clearly Labeled Vial of Death Penalty Drugs After It Falls from His Pocket During Speech

#smellpricketts, sports n snorts

Ricketts Family to Sell Chicago Cubs Franchise

The Ricketts family, owners of TD Ameritrade and one of two Chicago based major league baseball clubs, made the announcement that they would be selling the Chicago Cubs to further invest their stake in American politics. Nebraska Governor Pete Ricketts explained the decision: "After our tepid start to the season our family feels it's time… Continue reading Ricketts Family to Sell Chicago Cubs Franchise