Lincoln NE (SN) - In a planet virtually shut down to prevent the rapid spread of the Caronavirus, every single human sits in uncertainty. Except Marcus Mason, who is absolutely confident that everything will be a-okay, because Elizabeth Warren, who dropped out of the Presidential race on March 5th, will be THE winner of the… Continue reading “Check Your Privilege” Guy Blocks His Last Remaining Facebook Friend
Lincoln NE (SN) - COVID-19 is spreading quickly in the United States, and with those older than 60 at the highest risk, Nebraskan Millenials are daring to ask the question everyone is thinking but doesn't have the guts to ask: Maybe that isn't such a bad thing? "I mean Hillary wouldn't have been the nominee… Continue reading Nebraska Millenials Hopeful Enough Old People Die From Coronavirus so Nebraska Can Move Into the 21st Century
Lincoln NE (SN) - Reports started to pour in Friday morning that the sink in the men's room at Duffy's Tavern started to function as normally intended. The sink, located on 1412 O Street, had apparently never been turned to the "on" position until that moment, leaving bar staff and patrons baffled. "I didn't even… Continue reading Men’s Room Sink at Duffy’s Tavern Used for the First Time
Lincoln NE (SN) - The Lincoln Exposed music festival rocked out it's 15th year over the last week, leaving stunned local music fans asking, "Wait what time is that one actually good band playing? And at what bar?" "Lincoln. Is. A. Music. City" shouted one attendee. "Do you guys wanna go to Sandy's until Freakabout… Continue reading 108 “MEH” Bands and 7 Actual Bands Storm Star City
Lincoln NE (SN) - Determined to take on another Valentine's Day alone, Michael McDermont, 36, gently nestled a boxed pizza in the shape of a heart onto his beer can cluttered coffee table. "It has become kind of a tradition," McDermont told reporters, "I love being single. Don't have to worry about nothin'." Michael carefully… Continue reading Entire Heart Shaped Valentino’s Pizza Not Enough to Fill the Emptiness Inside
Lincoln NE (SN) - Heavy snowfall rocked Lincoln Wednesday morning, blanketing roads and thwarting fond memories of last weekend’s beautiful weather. The overnight dusting affected morning commutes so significantly that Nebraska Governor Pete Ricketts had no choice but to offer his religious support. “I have announced that today, February 5th, 2020, be a statewide day… Continue reading Ricketts Announces Wednesday a “Statewide Day of Prayer” That Anyone Makes It to Work on Time
Lincoln NE (SN) - Heavy blizzard conditions swept the Star City over the weekend, bringing intense cold temperatures, and rendering hundreds of frozen roads unsafe to navigate. Perhaps even more extreme was the shifting of right wing Lincolnites' opinions regarding the U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement Federal Agency; as a sea of "Abolish I.C.E." posts… Continue reading Conservative Lincolnites Finally Agree; Fuck I.C.E.