Lincoln NE (SN) – Jacob Campbell sure is running for Lincoln’s south-central District 29. We’re not really sure who he is, but South Lincoln residents are well aware that he is indeed running.
“I wanted to prove to the people of South Lincoln that I have absolutely no environmental record,” Campbell said. “So on day ZERO I started mailing campaign cardstock to every home in my district on a daily basis. I wasn’t sure that was going to drive my message home so I also started going door to door to stick extra fliers in peoples doors. I don’t think? I have Caronavirus, so there probably isn’t any potentially deadly germs on any of that stuff probably.”
Some good old fashioned grass roots door knockin’ isn’t the only way the 29 year old Republican is getting his name out there.
“Today I posted my 8,476th yard sign in my district!” he cheered. “My hopes are to make it to 10k by election day. There are too many beautiful, pristine, rolling hills on this side of town to resist.”
As a supporter of local businesses, local yard sign manufacturer YS Unlimited is thriving from Campbell’s campaign investments.
“He just keeps on ordering more,” said YS Unlimited owner Bill Chapman. “I thought for sure my business was fucked when people stopped leaving their homes, but Jacob Campbell’s incessant promotions are keeping us afloat. That is what is important right now and I’m happy he is being a part of that, you know. We all need to stick together during this time.”
There are over five people running for the district 29 seat. Smell Nebraska is likely endorsing the one that low key looks like (the not skinny) Jonah Hill.