thoughts & prayers, weather

Ricketts Announces Wednesday a “Statewide Day of Prayer” That Anyone Makes It to Work on Time

Lincoln NE (SN) – Heavy snowfall rocked Lincoln Wednesday morning, blanketing roads and thwarting fond memories of last weekend’s beautiful weather. The overnight dusting affected morning commutes so significantly that Nebraska Governor Pete Ricketts had no choice but to offer his religious support.

“I have announced that today, February 5th, 2020, be a statewide day of prayer that anyone in Lincoln can make it to their place of employment any earlier than 56 minutes late” Ricketts wrote in a press statement. “It’s going to be tough, of course, since every fucking asshole in a Ford F-150 can’t seem to drive any faster than twelve miles an hour.”

The announcement marks the second time in 2020 that the Governor declared a statewide prayer, as he previously stated that the 22nd of last month be reserved for ending abortion.

“It was critical that we lower our heads for the humanity of unborn children” Ricketts said. “But did you drive to work this morning?! Why the fuck was everyone so afraid to turn left? It took me a half hour to make it six blocks down 27th street! Oh the humanity!”

Snow accumulations are predicted to remain at less than one inch throughout the day. Share your best road rage footage on Instagram: @smellnebraska

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