2020, New Year Same Smell

You’re so Vain, You Probably Think This Article Is About You

It is officially January 2nd, 2020, and Smell Nebraska’s crack team of writing staff have finally completed browsing your countless, and horribly bland “End of the year” Instagram stories. Suppose it is time to do some self reflecting and projections of our own.

Being the realest, hippest, and most-accurate fake news webpage in Nebraska isn’t an easy job, but as we enter our third year of cutting edge journalism, one conclusion rings into this new year: Smell Nebraska is necessary.

Lincoln’s music community is still riddled with know-it-all ex-boyfriends, Cicis Pizza may be officially changing their 27th and Superior location’s name to “Feces Pizza” after another whopping 13 food violations following a recent Lancaster County Health Department inspection, Mandalorian may be the single best thing to come out of my sixteen years of life, and bloody hell, your job at Nelnet sucks balls. You and our other 122,416 loyal subscribers need to read about these truths.

So fuck the haters, and also, fuck people that say “fuck the haters.” What are you, Sublime with Rome? No, you’re not even that. You are nothing. Smell the glove, smell the Smell®.

So we’ll probably green light the Feces Pizza article anyways, just FYI, because we can, and because we should later post it on that shit-head-rich Lincomplain Facebook group. Nothing gets ignorant Libertarian men’s haunches more tingly than a good argument about shitty pizza.

I’m sick of mixing my journalism hobby with loads of senior homework at Lincoln High. Please email smellnebraska@gmail.com or call me at (402) 867-5309 if you want to contribute to our site.

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