Lincoln NE (SN) – Nebraska Governor Pete Ricketts held a press conference Wednesday morning, announcing that he had made the scientific conclusion that cannabis was, in fact, so dangerous, that it will now be Nebraska’s lone method of execution.
“In recent years, the use of K2, a synthetic form of marijuana, has spread in Nebraska and the consequences of its use have been increasingly dire in spite of attempts by the Legislature to ban its use. Since April 12th, 2019, K2 has resulted in over 100 overdoses just in the Lincoln area alone. This is yet another reminder of how dangerous marijuana can be and why any medicinal use needs FDA oversight.” Ricketts posted on his website.
The Governor, however, was pleased to discover the overall availability of the drug for his death penalty aspirations.
“That Fentanyl cocktail was a hot commodity, I tell you what,” Ricketts laughed to reporters. “I had to purchase it illegally from the country of India, and when they found out what I was using it for they cut me off for life!”
The Governor of Nebraska scheduled a family trip to Colorado this next weekend to purchase some “Dank AF Sticky Icky.”
“We’ve been dancing around the idea of heading to my childhood ski resort in Aspen” he said. “Looks like I will be knocking out two birds with one stoned! Get it!?”
Smell Nebraska has confirmed that all 12 of Nebraska’s death row inmates have requested Funyuns onion flavored rings as their last meals (in 2058.)