Lincoln NE (SN) – A complete fucking idiot emailed the Mayor’s office complaining that a statue of Spiderman’s hands were “demonic, perverse, anti-christian, a hate crime against the church, and way too big for Spiderman.”
City ombudsman (whatever that is) Liz Quenzer had a hearty laugh at the email. “Of course it’s demonic. We have been putting in subtle images to pay homage to our dark lord in all of our public works projects for years now. I can’t believe it took anyone this long for someone to finally notice. To be honest, they could have made them look more like devil horns. It is more like a ‘hang ten, mahalo’ sort of hand gesture as it is, but it will serve our purpose to profligate evil.”
“Remember those light bulb statues we had a few years ago? So many hidden references to Satan and the impending apocalypse.” Quenzer continues. “Those bike statues? Bikes are the devil’s motorized horse and we had those all over town. Any girl could hop on one and feel naughty thoughts if you know what I mean. We have been surreptitiously committing hate crimes against the church this whole time. They finally figured it out.”
The city is looking for artists to help with next year’s “Pentagrams of Lincoln” project which will install 50 or 60 different pentagrams right across the street from every local church, in order to continue the war on Christianity. “We have big things planned as long as our dark lord and savior Lucifer is watching over us,” says Quenzer. “La Diablo esters vivant one de mia korpo!”
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