America, patriotism, Technology

Patriotic Nebraskans Celebrate America by Videotaping Fireworks in the Dark

Lincoln NE (SN) – July 4th marks the middle of summer, and Nebraskans are poised to celebrate America with cookouts, beers, and videotaping fireworks in the dark. Lancaster county comptroller Gary Robards predicts this year to be the biggest year yet for taking dark, blurry, videos of fireworks.

Says Robards, “We are really excited. There are about 1.9 million Nebraskans and we predict about 1.5 million of them will take out their phones and record their local firework display, instead of just watching it and saying ‘neat.’ I would say the figure would be higher, but there will be a lot of pissed off dog owners who are forced to stay inside to comfort their dogs, and clean up all the dog urine and diarrhea on their bed from the loud noises.”

Actual Snap of fireworks. Wow! Jealous!

With the advent of smartphones and increased storage size, the amount of pointless firework videos will reach an all time high. “With the new iPhones topping 128 and 256 Gigabytes, there is nothing stopping people from recording everything,” says Robards, “especially a sense of living in the moment and being present in one’s own life.”

Despite the millions of hours of recorded fireworks video content, sadly, none of it will ever be watched. Some footage will make it to the Snapchat app, but they will immediately be ignored and swiped left until the viewer finds a more interesting picture of hot dogs or potato salad. Most media will be left unseen on the device it was recorded on, until that device is dropped into a pool or lake, and the footage is lost forever.

Smell Nebraska would like to remind everyone to be safe out there, and only record fireworks if there is a chance someone might be gruesomely injured or hilariously scarred. No one wants to see your kids lighting off those dumb snake things.

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