Kyoto Japan (SN) – With her dreams of becoming mayor of Lincoln, Nebraska completely smashed to pieces Tuesday night, former one-term city councilwoman Cyndi Lamm must return to her lifelong career of being an evil boxer in a Nintendo game.
“We allowed Lamm to take a sabbatical from our game to pursue her dreams of politics,” said current President of Nintendo Shuntaro Furukawa. “Stupid Americans allow a one term city council person to help impose term limits on a popular mayor and then attempt to replace them? That shit would not fly in Japan.”
The former mayoral candidate will now go back to what she does best: Boxing in a unique and particular pattern as CPU on the third fight of the 2nd level of Nintendo’s beloved “Mike Tyson’s Punch Out!” game.
“She’s a funny character, she’s so fat!” Shuntaro added. “If she knocks the player out, she spouts a bunch of 8 bit anti-LGBTQ rhetoric on the screen. Stupid Americans and their faith based political beliefs.”
Nintendo recently announced a Cyndi Lamm mini game where you fill in potholes that will be released exclusively on the virtual console release of “Punch Out!” for the Nintendo Switch. Click here for more details.