Lincoln NE (SN) – It is primary election day in Lincoln, and the >1% of the population that are registered voters are ecstatic, but not as floored as the >1% of THAT number that will actually be voting today. Today they will change the political climate in the star city forever.
“I’ve got my cutest outfit on, and I woke up early to make my hair perfect!” said local Starbucks employee Nancy Smith as she eased her “I Voted” sticker to her dress. “You know it is your civil responsibility to vote. I am ashamed of anyone that didn’t vote for Aurang Zeb for Airport Authority today, among others.”
Nancy went on to take forty-six of the exact same selfie, before climbing into her Starbuck’s apron and pulling a second “I Voted” sticker out of her purse for her employer’s uniform.
“Now I can be sure to remind coffee drinkers that the polls are still open!” she laughed.
For some voters, it isn’t even about the hot button issues:
“I don’t even know who the fuck any of these people are! Why should I give a rat’s ass who wins “District 6 School Board?” What is that job in the first place?” said 24 year old welder Kip Mason. “I just grab a pencil and write in my friend Dwight’s name on every one, then grab my sticker and get the fuck out. I’m trying to impress my barista at Starbucks. She is mad hot.”
Polls are open 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. today. Sniff the vote! Sticker selfie your hearts out, but be sure to tag @SmellNebraska when you do!