agriculture, smell the kids

Downtown Lincoln Barely Survives Annual “Future Farmers of America” Infestation

Lincoln NE (SN) – It seems Lincoln is safe for now after this year’s FFA takeover, in which a bunch of dumb fuck country bumpkins paint the city of Lincoln… navy blue.

The Future Farmers of America organization’s Nebraska chapter brings in children from rural Nebraskan communities each year to attend workshops related to the state’s agricultural career opportunities, and also allows dense dickbag children from one horse towns to witness their first homeless man, person of color, and Chipotle restaurant, all while touting a gaudy, dated, corduroy blue blazer.

“It was touch-and-go for a while, but the city of Lincoln was able to escape unscathed” Lame duck mayor Chris Beutler told Smell Nebraska reporters. “I do tremble awake at night at the thought that the Styx/Larry the Cable Guy concert at Pinnacle could have coincided with the same week the FFA kids visited. Dodged a bullet there. Good god.”

Lincoln businesses took a collective sigh of relief as the future farmers exited Lancaster county.

“One of the boys brought his BB gun with him and totally fucked up the modern aesthetic of the Marriot lobby” one employee took to Facebook. “His hick friends were all cheering him on, I swear one of them was drinking an Orange Julius. Where the fuck did he get an Orange Julius? You can still get those?”

Dairy Queen restaurants officially absorbed the Orange Julius brand in 2012.


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