lincoln is a music city, mansplaining

Lincoln Heavy Metal Community Ready to “Give Men a Platform to Speak for Once”

Lincoln NE (SN) – The city of Lincoln’s diverse local music scene is continuing to make positive aims towards the right side of history as representatives from the metal community made promises over the weekend to give white men the ability to voice their opinions for once.

“It’s harsh enough that there are usually never any chicks at our shows,” Greg Walters posted on Facebook. “Now we’re being accused of brutalizing on them too? I call bullshit.”

Walters spoke with Smell Nebraska reporters Monday morning in response to claims that non-males have admitted to feeling unsafe around certain members of the genre’s music scene.

“I may have a police record for assault, but the [LGBTQ slur] was cockin’ off at me, I could tell,” Walters admitted. “I’ll be damned if my band Skull Fuck Bitch To Death gets slandered on the internet. This is a fucking witch hunt.”

Local metal fans have been united in stopping the haters on social media.

“I’m one of Skull Fuck Bitch To Death’s 14 Facebook ‘Likes,’ said Zoo Bar drunk and unemployed ex-con Steven Faraway. “I’ve seen 49 out of their 80 shows they’ve ever played. That is almost 62% of every show they ever played. I’m going to fucking kill the stupid broads that are slandering us on the internet. Can you post a Wikipedia screenshot of the word slander under my quote?”

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A Wikipedia screenshot of the word slander under his quote.

With accusers and skeptics ultimately focused on believing the shattered victims speaking out about the abuse, Faraway is dedicated to supporting his local heavy metal community.

“First they accused us of not tipping a cent at any metal show at any venue ever” he shouted. “What’s next? I really feel like metal bands and fans in Lincoln are the real victims here. That is why we’re sharing the hashtag #MetalBandDudesStrongKKK. Oh sorry that last part was a typo, oh and we meant all genders too… can you guys edit that on the article?”

Skull Fuck Bitch To Death released “Lick My Taint” in November 2014.

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