From the editor, politics

Facebook Friends “Delighted” to Read Your Pompous Mansplaining About Democratic Presidential Candidates

No one knows more about the highest political office, held entirely by grumpy straight males, than grumpy straight males like you. You’re a political junkie, and the 2020 race has officially started.

Time to whip your dick out and start measuring it publicly. How else are your followers going know that Bernie Sanders just isn’t progressive enough for your standards? Let’s not get started on that pushover Klobuchar, or the horribly offensive Elizabeth Warren, as a white male that whole deal really, really, hurt you.

Cory Booker is just the worst, I can’t even remember why you think so but it should show up in your Timehop in a few weeks. Kamala Harris I can’t even. So crooked. We just can’t do this, sheeple. Wake up.

If we’re going to use our Democratic votes to ensure Trump can continue to wipe his glitter-lubed dick all over the Nation’s flag, we need to start by uniting and absolutely annihilating all of our Democratic hopefuls. No candidate is decent enough, and let’s face it, the entire political system in the United States is broken. So let’s allow the man that makes fun of the handicapped win again. At least then you can go back to treating your peers with respect as we all cry together at the reality of it all.

Please like this post. I’m lonely and in need of digital validation.

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