obituaries

In Remembrance: Lincoln Shopko Department Stores

Every Lincoln Shopko location, peacefully died January 16th, 2019. Shopko is survived by children: Target, Walmart, and mall kiosks. Shopko was proceeded in death by siblings: Pamida, Alco, and Circuit City.

Shopko will be remembered for their deep passion for scented candles, travel sized shampoos, and giving eye exams to the wonderful people of Lincoln. After a decade long bout with dementia, Shopko was reluctant to adapt to societal changes in shopping, but continued stock their shelves with cute wicker baskets, cans of Pringles potato chips, and as-seen-on-tv items. Shopko passed quickly Wednesday morning, surrounded by a half a dozen coupon touting senior citizens, just weeks after the death of their grandfather Sears.

Memorial services are scheduled for 10 a.m., Sunday, January 20th, at the 66th and O street location. K-Mart will give the eulogy. Cremation, no viewing or visitation, however there will be a door-busting close-out sale on Christian themed picture frames. Condolences at www.costco.com.

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