This week my quest for the ultimate slice led me to Papa Murphy’s Take ‘N’ Bake Pizza at 4500 S 70th St.
Unfortunately I hit a snag pretty early in the evening as my shitty rear wheel drive Mustang got stuck on the residential road just a block from my mom’s due to extreme ice patches. After peeling out for twenty minutes with no success I finally just called an Uber.
19 minutes later my Uber driver Dante had arrived, and we hit it off really quickly being is we both drove the SAME ’96 Ford Mustangs! We high fived and everything! Unfortunately his car got stuck on ice turning into the next residential road, but he was quick to call another Uber driver to rescue us!
22 minutes later our Uber driver Frederick had arrived. I let Dante sit shotgun so they could talk shop. Dante needed a ride home and lived on like 60th and Pioneers so he was totally on the way to my dinner destination!
Dante convinced Frederick to let him smoke a cigarette during the drive, which is cool. I smoke sometimes when I drink. I gotta say though, windows down with 30 degree weather is less than ideal. I was freezing in the backseat. I just thought about the delicious pizza awaiting to warm me up.
We dropped off Dante (I just stayed in the back seat. I was too cold and excited about dinner to waste any more time,) and Frederick and I finally reached the destination. I gotta say, getting dropped off right at the front door like a rock star was an awesome experience.
Pizza time! I was literally shivering at the counter from the cold ride while ordering my pie, but I didn’t mind. I ordered the “Chicken Garlic” signature pizza but opted for the thin, artisan crust.
My pizza was cooked so fast! My mouth was watering, but the cashier politely pointed at the clock that they had actually closed shop for the night three minutes earlier. Kind of a rude policy to ask me to leave but I get it I have a life too.
I immediately pulled out my phone to call another Uber, it looks like the Lincoln Berean Church had just finished it’s Tuesday night bible study so they had surge rates. I decided I would just start walking home until the surge rates lowered, and hell, I had a meal for the road!
I finally pulled a slice of the pizza out of the carryout box, it was a little flimsy but I managed a big bite as I was running across Pioneer’s St.
My food was totally cold, completely raw. I gasped as I finished the first bite.
I ordered the 16″ “Family sized” pizza, so I was not about to let it go to waste. I choked down the entirety of the slice but the toppings were so cold that it just made me even colder as I navigated the completely unscooped, icy sidewalks of 70th street.
I made it halfway around Holmes Lake when I started fearing hypothermia. I shivered my phone to my face to call an Uber, surge pricing and all. Emanuel, my ride home, costed an estimated $67 and would be arriving in his 1998 Geo Metro in approximately 27 minutes. I found a snow-free patch of sidewalk and sat down, wrapping the remains of the raw pizza around my freezing torso in an attempt to stay warm.
Score: F
Score of Uber driver Emanuel: Five Stars
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