cold brews, politics

Lame Duck Mayor Beutler All out of Fucks to Give

Lincoln NE (SN) – On election day, 53% of the city voted in favor of the amendment meticulously crafted by his opponents to keep mayor Chris Beutler from running for his forth term, and the 51st Mayor of Lincoln has reportedly checked out mentally.

“The economy is doing great, Lincoln is growing, and thriving as it has been since I took the position in 2007” Beutler told Smell Nebraska reporters. “Good luck getting any snow removed this winter, because I don’t give a shit anymore.”

Facing an unexpected retirement after the 2019 municipal election, Mayor Beutler is a ghost of his former, motivated, self. It was actually really heartbreaking.

“I saw a commercial for this Hobby Town USA store” the lame duck mayor said. “I’m gonna head down there and check out their remote control car selection after I get my grub on! I got a two hour tax-payer funded lunch with state auditor Charlie Janssen down at the Press Box Sports Bar! Two dollar Bud Light tall cans, dudes!”

The mayor proceeded to fist bump with Janssen and the two appeared very chummy.

“He’s telling it like it is! He’s finally acting like the kind of mayor we wanted in the first place” Janssen shouted as they exited. “Bro… Bitez, if you would have just turned over this new leaf earlier we wouldn’t have had the Republican party target you specifically with the term limit amendment. It’s a shame, bro!”

The mayor will be doing a full bar crawl on downtown O street this Saturday. You can RSVP on Beutler’s Facebook Page.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s