millennials, sniff out the vote

Left Wing Youth Decided Not to Vote, Blue Wave Would Have Meant Less Likes on Their Political Facebook Posts

Lincoln NE (SN) – With the Democratic “Blue Wave” in Nebraska looking more like a blue gas station slushie ignorantly thrown next to a recycle bin outside a vapor cigarette store, the left is pointing the blame to lazy and pompous Millennials in the Midwest.

“We are enrolling our youth in these silly arts and humanities high school curriculum, patting them on the back every step of the way” said one angry 48 year old Dem on Facebook. “I bet half of these little shits didn’t even vote. Our party even text messaged them every day for the last two months, and with those weird cartoon emoji things and everything! The youth just doesn’t care about their own future.”

Conversations with young Lincolnites proved that perhaps the angry progressive was correct.

“I mean I knew Nebraska was gonna “Go Big Red” as usual, and I knew Dems didn’t need my help to win the House majority” said 22 year old local first Friday “artist” Raul Parker.

The “artist” added that, though he was very liberal, America’s current political climate was really helping him establish his brand on social media.

“All of my politically related posts on Facebook and Instagram seem to have the most likes. So I figured fuck it” Raul said. “My friends and I just did some dabs at my house, looked at Reddit. Real chill day.”

Raul and his friends didn’t spend the entirety of election day indoors, as they still had to leave the impression to their friends and families that they did indeed cast their ballots.

“My friend Steve stole an entire roll of ‘I Voted’ stickers from one of the voting locations” he chuckled. “I mean we had to take our Instagram selfies or no one would believe us! Plus a bunch of bars in the Haymarket were offering a free pint if you proved that you voted and you know we were ready to get our drink on! Look out 2020 Generals!”

 

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