politics, sniff out the vote

Deb Fischer Mistakenly Believes They Call Her “Blunt” in Washington

Lincoln NE (SN) – In a campaign ad, Senator Deb Fischer proudly proclaims that they call her “blunt” in Washington. A quick survey of her colleagues shows that is not exactly true.

“I don’t know about ‘blunt,’ says Senate Minority Leader Chuck Shumer (D-NY). “We call her something very close to that, but not ‘blunt.’ That’s funny that she hears something different. Haha.”

Jon Tester (D-MT) agreed. “Heh, definitely not blunt. Lotta the same letters but nope. No one calls her that in Washington. She might need to get her hearing checked.”

Senator Fischer gained national notoriety this summer by asking Mark Zuckerberg the dumbest of all the dumb questions asked of him at the Senate hearing on Facebook. Stuttering and stammering, at no point did she come close to saying anything that could resemble a coherent statement.

However, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell sings her praises. “I don’t call her ‘blunt,’ I call her a ‘slam dunk’. She will vote along party lines no matter what the issue is. We need 99 more of her in the Senate. She makes my job easy, unlike those milk-toast wafflers like Jeff Flake or Susan Collins. Just do what I tell you to do and stop trying to make up your mind. I hope she’s back for a few more terms.”

Fischer has continued her campaign by pandering to veterans and people who like the American flag. Fischer is up against challenger Jane Raybould in today’s election.

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