politics, sniff out the vote

Fortenberry Interns Forced to Call Thousands of People Who Liked the Googley-Eyed Fartenberry Facebook Picture

Lincoln NE (SN) – Interns for Congressman Jeff Fortenberry have had a busy weekend, as they have been forced to call each individual who liked a picture on Facebook of a vandalized Fortenberry campaign sign.

“It’s been a long weekend,” says staff intern Ben Samuels. “I have to figure out who these people are, their phone number, and where they work. Then I have to call them and threaten them with the possibility of losing their jobs unless they unlike the picture or make it a red faced angry-frowny emoji, or they promise to vote Republican on Tuesday. We as a society can’t condone vandalism and by liking a picture on Facebook that is exactly what they are doing. After seeing Jeff openly weep thinking about being called, ‘Fartenberry,’ well, this is the least I can do. He’s very sensitive.”

fartenberry02
US Congressman Jeff Fortenberry

Fortenberry’s top aide, Dr. William “Reyn” Archer III, was more forthright in his convictions. “There is absolutely no place in our political system for googly-eyes. What are we as a people? Savages? Sure, I may have gotten in a little bit of trouble 18 years ago as the Texas Department of Health commissioner for mildly racist statements and policies, but googly-eyes is where I draw the line. We can’t allow these libtard professors or anyone else to encourage vandalism and violence, and googly-eyes. They go low, we go lower. That’s our motto.”

You can read all about Dr. William “Reyn” Archer III and the Texas Department of Health here:

As for the intern Samuels, he has to keep plugging away. “I made it to the D’s. Only 1,500 more people to call and threaten and I can go home. This would have been much easier before Reyn called that professor and made a big deal about this. There were only 150 likes at that time. Thanks a lot Reyn.”

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