Gretna NE (SN) – Halloween is almost upon us in the “Not For Everyone” state, and nothing is getting spookier than the dwindling bank accounts of Nebraskan parents, swindled into debt tombs at the state’s local pumpkin patch attractions.
“You know what’s scary? Paying $45 dollars for me and my children to stand in line for three hours” said one parent attending Vala’s Pumpkin Patch in Sarpy County.
It seems admission price and heavy foot-traffic are just the beginning for attendees.
“My fucking wife just had to have a funnel cake” he added. “We waited in line for about 74 minutes while a single kid carefully crafted them one at a time.”
Residing closer to the capital city, Vala’s closest counterpart Roca Berry Farms offers a bit of the same, with more of a small town experience.
“I’m not paying twenty three bucks to dip my new pair of Nike VaporMax’s in mud and get the shit scared out of me on the Psycho Path by some bumpkin kid from Palmyra” said one Lincoln High sophomore.
When asked if getting startled by a child made him a wimp, the student responded with “That kid would have scared me in his regular street clothes, he’s from Palmyra.”