Omaha NE (SN) – Record high temperatures, extreme rainfall, heavy wind, lightning events, and blizzard conditions are all getting their turn in this Nebraska autumn season, leaving meteorologists scratching their heads.
“We’re just going to start making shit up at this point” admitted Omaha meteorologist Carla Shea-Simonds. “Honestly I don’t even have any other options. The power has been out at my house and weather lab since Sunday morning so my Doppler whatever-majig doesn’t even fucking work.”
Cold, but not broken, Shea-Simonds wields an iPhone charger and tall can of PBR to prove a power outage won’t keep her from reporting the weather.
“There is a bar a few blocks from here that still has electricity” she shivers. “They’ve let me hang out there and charge my phone a few times over the last 24 hours. So I have been able to deliver the forecasts to my subscribers on social media.”
With a lack of resources and several alcoholic beverages in her system, the meteorologist’s weather predictions are, of course, unconventional.
“Subscribers, I can promise you, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that there will be some version of weather tomorrow in the Omaha metropolitan area” she wrote on her Twitter (@CarlaSheaSimon1)