real estate, white people

Developers Plant 76 Million Dollar “Magic Beans” on Corner of 9th and O

Lincoln NE (SN) – Early last week the development group working to erect the luxury hotel tower on the corner of 9th and O street announced they would be scrapping the entire project for a “smaller project.”

Smell Nebraska sat down with John Klimpel of Lincoln Hotel Group to discuss the sudden change of plans.

“It was an ambitious idea to build a 15-17 story building… and housing two hotels, condos, a ballroom, restaurant, and a parking garage?!?” Klimpel smiled. “Between you and I, it wasn’t the issue of money per say. Let’s just say we saw a better business opportunity.”

The (now thrown out) proposal for the project on 9th and O street.

The developer followed by dimming the lights and telling reporters a very enchanting story.

“I was camping with my family in Western Nebraska, and on my way out of the bait shop I was approached by a drifter of sorts who presented me the offer of a lifetime” John said. “An envelope containing what he described as “magic beans” in exchange for a measly 76 million and change. I mean the hotel project was already pushing 72, not to mention all of the money we already burned through to prepare the cite. I think my chance meeting with that man, his name was Crawl I believe?, was perhaps the most pivotal moment of my life.”

The developer added that he had no intentions of wasting any time.

“I hopped back in the RAV4 and kissed my wife” he wiped a tear from his eye. “I’ll never forget that moment. I said, honey, let’s go camping another weekend. Something just came up with work. I raced back to Lincoln as quickly as I could and buried those magic beans in the center of that muddy lot. Hopefully we get enough moisture this winter that the foundation will be there by spring. Couple spring rains and we can have condos in no time!”

Klimpel is promising “big things” in Spring 2019 regarding what honestly, after a detailed description, sounds like five or six ordinary grape Nerds candies in a worn paycheck advance envelope.

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