sports n snorts

Nebraska Football Adds Bethune-Cookman to the Schedule, Nebraska Can Now Win at Least One Game

Lincoln NE (SN) – Nebraska Athletic Director Bill Moos has announced that Nebraska will play FCS Bethune-Cookman on October 27th, in a last ditch effort to win a game this season.

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SCOTT FROST! WE CAN’T LOSE!

“At this point it’s our only chance for a win,” says Moos. “Have you seen our team lately? Sure we have had some bad luck, but our line is terrible on both sides of the ball. We might not even be able to beat Bertha Cockman or whatever they are called but there’s no way in hell we are winning a game with the schedule we have now. Perdue sucks so maybe we have a chance there, but I doubt it. Have you seen our dog-shit line? Forget about it. Thanks Mike.”

Moos chose to schedule Bethune-Cookman on October 27th instead of making up a date with Akron on December 1st because Scott Frost expects his team to be playing in the Big 12 Championship game that day. Says Moos, “I love Scott (Frost) but he must be high on crack if he thinks we are getting to the Big 12 championship. The truth is I just really didn’t want to play Akron. They could have played the next day but they are a bunch of pussies. ‘We don’t have a place to stay. We need a hotel.’ What a bunch of crap. Whiny bitches. They can go fuck themselves.”

Nebraska has refused to pay the full $1.17 million due to Akron as the game was canceled due to rain. “The lined up to receive a kickoff, we will pay their expenses. Seems fair to me,” explains Moos. “We are not going to pay Akron the whole amount owed due to the ligma provision clearly stipulated in the contract. Ligma nuts.”

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