hip hop, reality tv, STDs

DJ Pauly D Rocks Bourbon Theatre with Hype Jams, Chlamydia

Lincoln NE (SN) – It was t-shirt time on O street Wednesday night as hundreds of crunk Lincolnites crammed the Bourbon Theatre in an attempt to get smashed by DJ Pauly D of MTV Jersey Shore fame.

The reality star, born Paul DelVecchio Jr, has taken up promoting his professional disc jockey career in recent years to stay relevant while he and his co-stars’ skin continue to cook into a leather-jerky.

DJ Pauly D.

“I. Am. DTF!” shouted UNL freshman Corey Tournet at the concert. “I mean I identify as a straight male, but he is so cool and funny! I’m really hoping I get to be the person to smash with him tonight. Also he is, like, a really skilled DJ? It takes a lot of skill and he is really good at it, all celebrity reality star stuff aside.”

All eyes were on the aging reality star during the DJ performance Wednesday night as he put on the performance of a lifetime.

“Yeah buddy? Yeah buddy! Yeah buddy! Yeah buddy! Yeah buddy! Yeahhhh buddy! Cabs are here! Yeah buddy!” Pauly D spoke over the microphone to the crowd.

As of this morning the University Medical Center on campus has reached out to Governor Pete Ricketts asking him to issue a state of emergency in response to a rare, but lethal strain of chlamydia that has already hospitalized thirty-six UNL students as of 9:57 am CST Thursday morning.

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