Lincoln NE (SN) – With all of the painstaking and thankless work dumped in the laps of our state Government employees, state auditor Charlie Janssen has one dream: To convert a currently vacant room in the state legislature into a sports bar.
“See we can buy like 20 flat screen TV’s, throw a cooler over in that corner” Janssen showed the empty room to reporters. “Nebraska has the money… well I mean I’m the auditor so I say we do. It’s cool.”
Janssen hopes his new business idea will take attention away from a recent World-Herald investigation that proved the auditor was taking three hour or longer lunch breaks at a nearby Sports bar just about every day of the week.
“I think he is a worthless douche” said one colleague of Janssen. “His idea to convert that room into a lounge for all of us is a good idea though. He’ll get so much more work done this way! We all will. We won’t have to leave the capital anymore!”
“We all deserve this” Janssen added. “I work my ass off for a measly $85,000 a year. My giant, plush, office is lonesome. I need to talk sports with the guys, now let’s start talking about my draft beer selection.”
Worksky’s Sports Bar will begin construction in early 2019, but don’t start picking your Keno numbers as the location will be strictly for Government employees and the women they are cheating on their wives with.