downtown lincoln, Slow Nuesday

Barry’s Just Shy of 100 Tavern Violations Goal for 2018

Lincoln NE (SN) – 9th street sports bar and fraternity brother hub Barry’s Bar & Grill is well on its path to their “keep it a hunnitt®” tavern violation goal for the year, holding an impressive 98 tavern violations coming into the arrival of Fall 2018 later this week.

“I remember a few years back when people thought we couldn’t top fifty violations” said Barry’s co-owner Owen Hungerford. “The owners are quite impressed with everyone on staff’s hustle and determination.”

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Three 17 year old children with custom Barry’s shirts drink at Barry’s Bar & Grill (235 N 9th St)

Hungerford was confident that the Huskers’ away game with the Michigan Wolverines this weekend makes their goal a sure thing.

“We haven’t won a game yet, and we certainly won’t be winning this game” he told reporters. “The only reason to go downtown this weekend is to get completely annihilated. We will be over-pouring and serving to minors as usual.”

The co-owner was quick to dismiss continued warnings from the Lincoln Police Department and concerned UNL student’s parents nationwide.

“Everyone can go fuck themselves, and frankly as long as we keep making money, we don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks” he said. “We work out of our LLC office in Mission Hills, Kansas. We don’t even live in Lincoln! We don’t care about your city or your sports, and as long as we are the premo location for game day binge drinking with the only fucking kick-ass roof top location for privileged rich students to drink themselves into stomach pumps, no one will stop us!”

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