nostalgia, white people

Scientists Conclude: Every DJ Set Is Now A 90’s Throwback Party

London UK (SN) In a report released by The Institute for Musical Research, scientists have discovered that every DJ set is now a 90’s throwback party. After analyzing the data of DJ events for the last 6 months, the researchers concluded that almost every single one is now billed as a 90’s throwback party, a cheap gimmick theoretically using pure nostalgia to bring “90’s babies” out to the clubs.

“We were shocked at our findings, to say the least,” says head researcher Niles Branterbury. “We initially hypothesized that 90’s throwback parties would make up 20-25% of the dj sets this year. We were amazed that the number is actually almost 98% and rising. I can’t believe DJs are still doing this shit and people are still excited about it.”

throwbackdj02Most 90’s throwback parties are pretty simple. The DJ just plays 90’s music, and pretends to get excited when he drops “All Star” by Smashmouth. Other 90’s throwback parties are more involved however, encouraging participants to dress up in 90’s gear, which is usually just some fluorescent windbreaker or an old Shawn Kemp Supersonics jersey.

With the prevalence of 90’s throwback parties people are starting to wonder, “How long can this go on?”

“We are definitely in a bubble in respect to 90’s throwback parties,” says Branterbury. “There is no way DJs can keep up the pace of these throwback parties. Deep down, people really don’t give a shit about The Thong Song or Sugar Ray. Otherwise you would hear them in normal DJ sets. It will die out soon enough. The club goers will eventually get older, have kids, and get stuck in jobs that won’t allow them to go to a 90’s throwback party every night of the week, but by then I predict there will be a shift to 2000’s throwback parties and the whole cycle will start all over again.”

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