college life, sports n snorts, TLDRsdays

UNL to Distribute Shirts to Address Balloon Release Controversy

Lincoln NE (SN) – Following recent controversy over the longtime tradition of releasing balloons at the first Husker touchdown on game days, concerned students can come to the Union on Thursday to grab a free “Trash Will Never Win” shirt and voice their opinions on the celebrations lasting environmental impacts.

“The shirts (provided by the University) are a way to show solidarity with the student body in letting them know we hear their concerns in this matter, and that we will not let trash ruin our ecosystem” the administration stated in an email to students. “We are working hard to come up with an alternative to let our boys on the field know we care about them and appreciate them getting a touchdown”

Some alternatives mentioned in the email include giving the person next to you a high five or a countdown clock to sync a loud harmonious “Hooray!” but it seems a superstitious outlook towards tradition is getting in the way of finding an alternative.

A member of the administration who would like to remain anonymous said in a phone interview- “With Scott Frost back in Lincoln, we just can’t risk doing anything that could ruin our luck. The spirit of ‘97 is back and we can’t piss her off”

UNL’s new green shirt.

Some students share this sentiment, hoping to experience an incredible season they can carry with them long after their college years. While others are more concerned with the impacts to the local ecosystem. Erica Krouch, a sophomore at UNL has witnessed firsthand the problems it can create.

“I was at Holmes lake and saw a bird swoop down and grab a red balloon that was floating in the water. I can only imagine how many fellow earthlings have died choking on these silly pieces of rubber we are literally just buying to throw away, not even in a proper waste container! But on the other hand, Frost is back and I think husker fans have every right to celebrate their allegiance to the team, and I know the team really appreciates our support so maybe to compromise we could only release the balloons from the free speech zone?”

After students pick up their red Trash Will Never Win shirt on Wednesday, they are encouraged to wear them on Saturday’s Colorado game in a protest against litter named “Sea of Red” referencing the Bible verse Revelation chapter 16 verse 3 “The second angel poured out his bowl on the sea, and it turned into blood, and every living thing in the sea died”

“We understand it will be hard to see the reach of the protest, since everyone normally wears red anyway to a husker game”, said the university, “but we didn’t want to make the shirts black and have them confused with the ‘Hate Will Never Win’ shirts made earlier this year regarding the violent Nazi on campus.”

UNL plans on opening an online store where you can get both the Hate and Trash Will Never Win logo on shirts or even hoodies and koozies to show your support. Pre-orders for a “Chick-fil-A, Go-a-way!” shirts available at site launch.

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