footwear, social justice

Lincoln Hipsters Restoring Their Tattered Chuck Taylors in Support of Nike, Kaepernick

Lincoln NE (SN) – The debate over Nike’s recent ad campaign, featuring anthem-kneeling NFL quarterback Colin Kaepernick, has created quite a divide Nationwide, resulting in even Lincoln’s most obscure downtown hipsters drawing a line in the sand.

We followed the fixed gear bicycles to Jake’s Cigars on 101 N 14th street to get the sniff.

“It may not be common knowledge, but Converse Chuck Taylor All-Stars are a product of Nike shoes” said unemployed artist Phillip (pronounced “file-up”) Hall. “I’ve been wearing this dirty pair for a couple years. I love a beat up pair of Chucks but I have to support Nike in their fight for social justice in the modern age. I’m getting them totally restored. We’re a part of a movement!”

Jesus Christ this is SO OFFENSIVE.

Aside from being involved in something important, other local hipsters are eager to transform this powerful message into helping others.

“Along with purchasing a brand new pair of Chucks, I went to Goodwill and bought them out of anything with the Nike swoosh on it” gleamed unemployed trust fund kid/artist Destiny Vall as she adjusted her septum piercing. “I will be marching down to the Lincoln City Mission tomorrow to dress our homeless population! They will be warm, and comfortable, and on the right side of history.”

We forgot to ask the patrons of Jake’s Cigars if they regret posting any anti Nike related posts on social media last year when their miserable sweatshops overseas were a hot topic for the far left. Perhaps their Timehop app will remind them.

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