food & dining, white people

Food Review: Old Navy Snack Bar

This week my quest for the ultimate bite led me to the Old Navy Snack Bar at 2950 Pine Lake Rd.

Parking was, well, shopping mall parking lot parking, as the Old Navy Snack Bar is a part of the SouthPointe Pavillions. I parked next to a Ford F-150 that was taking up three and a half spots. I tried not to let it bother me. It was eatin’ time!

Complaint number one: The walk from my car to the eatery was a long one, growing increasingly more frustrating by 25 bitch moms clogging the walkways and crosswalks shared with the neighboring “Bed, Bath, & Beyond” store. I was probably just a little hungry, that’s okay.

Finally I reached my destination: The Old Navy Snack Bar. I was very surprised as I walked in as the eatery’s attached gift shop took up about 95% of the spot. The hostess was busy talking to some bitch mom arguing about some tube top so I helped myself to the cafe style counter.

Look at this!



The Hostess Stand.

The display of food was immaculate. Mixed nuts, Skittles, Starburst, Peanut M&Ms, Gummy Treats, Reece’s, Three different styles of Hershey’s candy bars, Twix, Snickers, Kit-Kat, regular M&Ms, Sour Patch Kids, Swedish Fish, Goldfish, Pop Rocks, Big League Fucking Chew, and several others. Such a diverse and spectacular menu I failed to even get a close look at their beverage cooler.

Along with my ingredients, I grabbed one of the plastic storage containers on the bottom shelf they use for a playful plating, and a $3 bottle of Dasani. I guess the water could have been free-er. I was probably just getting a little hangry. I found a picnic table with some available seating to sit down and enjoy my meal!

I went with the “build-your-own” sandwich: A Reece’s Peanut Butter Cup topped with Swedish Fish, Pop Rocks Powder, and Big League Chew, all on a Kit-Kat bar bun, with Goldfish crackers as my side.

My friend, Little Billy.

The richness of the peanut butter cup crunched into the Kit-Kar bun, as the sizzling Pop Rocks took my palette to a simpler time. The Goldfish crackers easing salty notes into the sweet mellowness of the Swedish Fish candy that was now lodged into the roof of my mouth.


Truly divine.

Little Billy, a boy that was sitting on the same picnic table playing with a puzzle, was also incredibly enthusiastic about his parents buying him a dish at the eatery. This created a chain reaction of several other young children crying to their parents about how they also wanted to grab a bite, but the parents, who were unnecessarily focused on the gift shop, shouted at me! I had to leave without buying the $5 Old Navy Restaurant bro-tank I was buying. It’s okay. I will definitely be coming back for another meal!

Score: A++

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