crime, huskers

Sword-Wielding Naked Man Arrested, Revealed to Be Husker QB Noah Vedral

Lincoln NE (SN) – Less than 24 hours after a man wielding a sword and exposing himself to another man was chased off with a rifle, Smell Nebraska finally had the opportunity to get site traffic off of the story.

Two days in a row, the nude man tapped the driver’s side window of a vehicle with a sword, but round two was much different as the car this time was an unmarked police vehicle.

“We arrest creepy pervo prowlers every summer” said LPD officer Chip Wellington. “But seconds after the window tap I knew who the culprit was.”

The naked, sword wielding man turned out to be promising Husker quarterback Noah Vedral.

“I knew it was #16!!!” the officer gushed. “After an autograph and a few PG selfies with him I reverted to the Osborne era rules and let him go. I mean, c’mon. Scott Frost!!!!!”

The detective was, of course, referring to 1994 when even a sexual assault accusation brought by a former Miss Nebraska couldn’t keep a player away from the pigskin.

“He drank one of those “Four Loko” things” Wellington told reporters. “They make everyone a creep. No reason to ruin the future of a good old Nebraskan from Wahoo with MMA hair.”

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