crime, huskers, sports n snorts

Scott Frost Home Burglar Discovered to Be Former Husker Coach Mike Riley

Lincoln NE (SN) – A Husker head coach grand theft, starting with claims of 14 stolen championship rings, later downgraded to a missing gaming console, and later downgraded to some missing Air Jordan shoes, took an even more interesting turn when the culprit was captured by LPD early Tuesday morning.

Criminal thief Mike Riley.

Former Husker coach Mike Riley was arrested in North Lincoln after a routine traffic stop uncovered the hatchback to his 1991 Geo Metro possessing four Oregon Ducks football Helmets, four autographed photos, and five pairs of Air Jordan shoes from Frost’s time coaching at Oregon.

“Frost’s family reported the value of stolen items at more than $172,000,” LPD chief Jeffrey Bliemeister told reporters. “That’s a pretty good haul for a former Husker coach with nothing to lose.”

Riley posted bail, immediately, as the University of Nebraska Lincoln will be paying him upwards of seven million dollars to buy out his contract with the college football program.

“He was incredibly polite as we walked him out of the courthouse. Such a nice guy!” Bliemeister added. “I’ll never forget what he said to me as we took his cuffs off. “I tried my best to be a criminal, but it just ddiddntt work out.” Just a stand up guy, you know?”

UPDATE: The Frost family has decided they will not be pressing any charges, and have considered the theft “a hazing, by a former member of a bottomless money tree.”

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