Another day in the grind, and gah! another scorcher. Fortunately all you do at your job anymore is look at Facebook on your PC while staring at every hot girl you have ever met on your phone via Instagram.
We know you are trying to be cool and in reality your boss made you do a smidge of work for a second just to prove that they aren’t in their office looking at Facebook on their PC while staring at every hot girl they ever met on their phone via Instagram. We get it, but hey it is time for your lunch break!
Eat up, bud. There is absolutely nothing wrong with eating Raising Cane’s four days a week. It is about 12:30 so you better check your Facebook feed. Our article posted at 8am to the .org, but we usually let it marinate a little so we can make some “late breaking edits,” or at least passive-aggressive force the other editors to fix mistakes made by the authors who are usually huffing cans of air duster while writing your favorite news story of the day.
SmellNebraska.org updated their Facebook page with another article!!! You click the link. Oh my god they totally made fun of that Jiffy Lube on 48th and Old Cheney for serving “poop coffee” and never, ever, ever, having anything on their television that isn’t that Christina Aguilera “Burlesque” movie. You know you’ve watched it. I have. I’m not sure why, but I have.
You think we are so witty, but admit that you could probably do a better job than us. Our writing is, lack of a better word, stomach-able. Suddenly you realize that the “Jiffy Lube – 2402 S 48th St Lincoln” Facebook page is fighting back in the comments section!
“Your mom is poop coffee, and we have nothing to do with the fact that TNT Network is pretty much just 24 hours of that Christina Aguilera “Burlesque” movie on repeat. You have too much time on your hands!” They’ll say.
Better check the Instagram account now. Just to look for other fireworks.
Instagram doesn’t let the account post legitimate links, so absolutely none of the 73 likes have even read the article, nor will they ever. You like it though, and we like you. Plus there are some shocking comments.
“Delighted to see many efforts contributing to a healthier planet! If you are interested in knowing more about eco-alternatives, green habits, and bite-size knowledge here and there, follow our blog [teeth clenched face emoji I don’t know what it is called.]” @eartheroproject said after bot responding to environmental hashtags on an article making fun of 1867 Bar in Lincoln, NE.
Another successful day as Lincoln’s best news source, though you will tell your friend that as soon as you find out who is behind Smell Nebraska, you will do so much better.
SmellNebraska@gmail.com for submissions. Try to actually make them funny this time. SN has written 141 articles in the last 202 days. We are 17 year old children losing hair in order to make your day. Don’t you forget it.