Grand Island NE (SN) – In a move bewildering to all who witnessed it, a grown man was seen wearing a bright red Sriracha sauce label t-shirt out in public. It was a rare sighting of a t-shirt design that was thought to have been extinct.
The t-shirt, which should only have been used as a night shirt at this point, was sighted in the open for the first time since 2015, when those shirts were cool and ironic for some godforsaken reason.
“Oh, this old thing?” said the Sriracha shirt wearer Jason Richardson, “I got it at Walmart a couple years ago. It’s probably my favorite shirt. I put Sriracha on everything so I thought, ‘Why not have a shirt of it?’ I’ve also had diarrhea for over 10 straight years but don’t print that. Thanks.”
Despite the fact that his wife left him 3 years earlier for being completely devoid of style or culture, Richardson remained completely oblivious of the repellent effect that his outfit consisting of the Sriracha shirt, camouflaged cargo pants, and socks with sandals, had on people around him.
Witness Katrina Johnson was, in her words, “Shook.” “I was shook fam. That dude be wearing a Sriracha shirt. Oh my god! Where the sushi at? Ha!I haven’t seen one of those for a minute. No wonder he by himself. I gotta snap this guy real quick, this is unreal.”
There hasn’t been this much excitement over a cliched novelty t-shirt since a “Vote for Pedro” t-shirt was spotted at the Lancaster County Fair in 2012.