music, Technology

Dream Pro Recording to Compete with MacBook Pro, Garageband, Offering Mid-Session Memes, Porn

Lincoln NE (SN) – In an age of “skies the limit” technology battling head-to-head with “Hey listen to this song on this miniature, mono, speaker on a telephone” social norms, music studios have been forced to adapt. We spoke with Dream Pro Recording’s Sean Joyce about their new sessions.

“For some time, I have offered a professional studio experience, recorded with real microphones, on actual compressors and recording gear” the engineer said. “Your song would have real low-end, musical instruments, and a dynamic that you could compare to every actually successful artist you’ve ever heard, but it isn’t important to most Nebraska musicians anymore.”

Joyce, is of course, referring to the growing number of local artists that take the shortcut. They “know this guy that is going to hook them up,” or “are going for a different approach.”

dreampro_02
An Apple MacBook Pro, and porn.

“They are going to record their “album” in their dad’s house. On a MacBook Pro with Garageband” Sean shook his head in disgust.

Dream Pro Recording announced on their Facebook page Monday that they are changing their rates and session experience with a new “Dream Pro MacBook Pro Pro” Package.

“That last “pro” was excessive, but I wanted to drive it home” Joyce told reporters. “We have been doing some soul searching for quite a while, asking for the one element of recording that a MacBook Pro could possibly do better than our facilities… The answer is very simple. Memes… and porn.”

The results would be the catalyst of the, now ideal, recording experience.

“Instead of spending hours setting up a drum kit or perfecting a guitar tone, I’ll just copy and paste some preset sounds and drum loops. Meanwhile, the band can watch porn or read reddit and catch up with the dankest memes. They can also figure out what face tattoo they want and pick out what color dreadlocks they will have when their album drops. This will really streamline the recording process and we can put out a super thin sounding, completely artificial album in day or so, saving everyone time and money. It’s a win-win situation.” Joyce said.

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