drunk white people, weather alerts

Sweaty Drunk Assholes Sighted at Haymarket Brewsky’s “Blazin’ Pianos”

Lincoln NE (SN) – Humidity is continuing to max out in Lincoln, bringing record highs inside Haymarket basement armpit and ongoing host of “Blazin’ Pianos,” Brewskey’s Food & Spirits on 201 N 8th street.

The self described “part concert, part comedy show, and 100% fun experience” has long since offered the sweatiest, most obnoxious, drunk people in Lincoln a chance to “crank up the heat” even more. Over the weekend, Smell Nebraska meteorologists stepped way out of their comfort zones to report conditions out on the field!

One of our atmospheric scientists has not reached out to Smell Nebraska since the weekend outing, but the two remaining weathermen began their respected accounts with dangerous heat conditions.

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Shitfaced sweaty people at Brewsky’s Food & Spirits’ Blazin’ Pianos.

“Humidity was at about 95% in the thick of the piano dueling, with dumb sweaty women running temperatures of 101° Fahrenheit and rising as they all swayed around dripping sweat all over the place during a half-assed piano cover of “Sweet Caroline.” One weather report states.

“The basement smelled like feet, a rest stop bathroom, and hot vomit all at the same time.” Another meteorologist wrote. “Not quite as bad as J.J. Hooligans down the street, but definitely worse than the vape-smoke/adult male taint odor of Bodega’s Alley on 1418 O Street.”

Employees of the basement bar location described the weather phenomenon in their own words.

“Most of these people are so wet down here that they can’t even hold on to their drinks long enough to get any drunker.” One bartender added. “We always have those stupid aluminum bottles of Bud Light on special, and watching them slide of out shit-faced white people’s slippery hands is a riot.”

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