cold brews, family values

Loving Father Forced Into Brewing Beer By Loving Family

Lincoln NE (SN) – Faced with the prospect of spending another night on the couch watching NCIS with his lovely and devoted wife Brenda, Lincoln resident Zach Bronson decided he must immediately start brewing beer in his garage.

“I love my family. I really do. I just need some time to myself and I figure I can get away with spending a couple hours in the garage and not get chewed out too much. To be honest, I’m suffocating over here.”

The Bronsons have been happily married for 8 years with 3 growing children. Zach gave up on his dreams of being a rock star shortly after the birth of his first child. The late nights didn’t fit with his Hall and Oates cover band so he was forced to trade in this saxophone for a diaper bag. The years went by, the children grew, and Zach and Brenda also grew, each gaining 30 pounds from general apathy. As Bronson nestled in to watch Mark Harmon solve yet another murder on a Navy base (Editor’s note: More servicemen have died on NCIS than in the first Gulf War), Zach Bronson had an epiphany that he needed to craft a coconut infused pale ale immediately.

Since that fateful day Bronson has spent every waking moment watching youtube beer brewing videos, buying beer brewing equipment, and agonizing about his carbonation levels.

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Zach Bronson perfecting his current batch while his entire family enjoys game night.

Says Bronson on his new found hobby, “I’m thinking about maybe a pistachio sour, or like an octoberfest pumpkin stout? Maybe throw in some nutmeg? I don’t know. I have so many ideas. I feel so alive.”

His wife Brenda is happy with the change. “I’m thrilled he has found something he can do around the house. Sure he spends a lot of time in the garage, but that’s ok, we ran out of things to talk about around 5 years ago. At least I know where he’s at and he’s not getting into trouble with all his friends, even though he doesn’t really have any anymore. We do get to go on more date nights now, but it’s always to a brewery and we have to drink these heavy craft beers all the time. To be honest I just want a Bud Light Lime but I have to get an Ole Rasputin or whatever. Hopefully he will figure this brewing thing out and we will be able to actually drink something he makes.”

At the time of this writing Bronson’s first 4 batches have been undrinkable and poured down the floor drain in the garage.

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