jesus, music, politics

Vice President Mike Pence Refuses To Attend Freakabout Album Release Show Without His Wife

Washington DC (SN) – Lincoln rock band Freakabout will be packing the Bourbon Theatre in their hometown this Friday for hundreds of eager fans, minus one United States Vice President Mike Pence, who will regretfully not be attending due to his wife having a prior engagement.

“I had the tickets purchased and everything.” The Vice President of the United States of America told Smell Nebraska reporters. “Air Force One was going to fly us into the cute, tiny, little airport in Lincoln, but Karen had this dinner thing. Of course I would never attend a Freakabout show without my wife. They are, you know, a band with a chick in it.”

The Vice President of the United States of America is, of course, referencing the fact that the Lincoln four piece rock band is fronted by singer (and female human) Cortney Kirby. Suggesting further details of the “strict rules” he and his wife share in order to preserve the sanctity of their relationship, which made headlines in 2002 when the Veep revealed that he never eats alone with a woman other than his wife, even in a professional environment.

“I’ve been jamming “Wolf Woman” by Freakabout for weeks, but rules are rules.” Pence said.

freakabout02
“Babezooka” the new LP from Freakabout.

The former Governor from Indiana will sadly be missing the “Babezooka” album release show, but will support Freakabout from the District of Columbia in his own way this weekend: Working with the National Rifle Association to continue to make Babezooka’s, AR-15’s, and all other firearms legal and accessible. He will also be supporting “bands with chicks in them” by doing nothing about the skyrocketing price of birth control and continuing to ignore equal pay for women in the workplace.

“I like rock and roll. I am a pretty regular American guy.” Pence smiled. “Did you know that eight months into our dating relationship my wife Karen engraved a small gold cross with the word “yes” on it and kept it in her purse to give to me when I proposed?”

While that all seemed a little too strange for our reporters to even think about, our Vice President did reveal some genuine American qualities after we asked if he was also disappointed about missing supporting acts High Ruler and Salt Creek this Friday.

“Why the fuck would I go to a band’s album release show and watch the openers?” Pence said.

Freakabout’s new LP “Babezooka” can be purchased HERE and it kicks ACE.

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