Lincoln NE (SN) – Smoker’s Corner, a re-purposed gas station on the corner of 17th and Washington Street, has announced they will soon be offering a selection of farm fresh, organic, vegan food at their corner store. The decision was an unintended consequence of the city council’s recent denial of Open Harvest’s liquor license request.
“Of course, if they got a liquor license, we would apply for one immediately,” says store owner Carl Skabsy. “But then we got to thinking, why can Open Harvest get away with selling organic kombucha and free trade coffee and we can’t? There’s no law against that yet. We’re in.”
Skabsy immediately set out to renovate his store, moving a rack of Pall Malls over a couple feet, and sweeping for the first time in 10 years. “We will put the deli items over here, tofu, hummus, plant meats, all organic of course. We’ll put the potato chips made out of beans over here by the register. I’ll have a rack of homemade soaps and shampoos right here by the door so you can’t miss ‘em.”
“We have to do this to stay competitive,” Skabsy continued. “Next thing you know Casey’s across the street will be serving seaweed sandwiches or gluten free gluten, and by then it will be too late. But don’t worry, we will still sell cartons of American Spirits for the lowest price in town.
Neighbors expressed concern that the new offerings would bring an unwanted group of people to the neighborhood and would cause problems that spill over into residential neighborhoods.
“We don’t want those dirty hippies coming around here,” said resident Gladys Hazestock. “I’ve lived here for 60 years and I’d hate to see this neighborhood go to shit just because Smoker’s Corner felt the need to sell farm to table produce. It’s just not right. I’d hate to look out my window and see a bunch of hippies in a drum circle or playing with those stick things. Thanks Obama.”