Omaha NE (SN) – The Reptilians, a sect of lizard people living among us, have officially endorsed Taylor Royal (R) for Nebraska State Treasurer. The Reptilian spokesthing, Glabnar Svvvevyn, issued a statement on Thursday afternoon.
“We feel that Taylor Royal is the best human for the job of Nebraska State Treasurer,” said Svvvevyn. “He is a complete human inside and out. In no way is he a shape-shifter who changes from lizard form to human form when other life forms are nearby. He is the most human of humans and will help further the Reptilian quest for domination of this planet and the other star systems in the Q{4X}-74th quadrant.”
Svvvevyn continues, “Taylor Royal’s experience slithering around as a financial advisor for Northwestern Mutual will come in handy as he slithers around the underground tunnels of our state capital. We know he will have the best interests of Reptilians and all human Nebraskans at heart, even though his heart is part of weird cold-blooded amphibian circulatory system that’s hard to describe, but, wait, did I just say that out loud? He’s got a normal human heart. That’s what I meant. Again, totally human. He is our human man candidate.”
Taylor Royal is up against fellow Republican and current state senator John Murante, who recently received an endorsement from the benevolent, yet powerful, Andromedans. The Republican primary will be held May 15th. As the democrats are not fielding a candidate in this race, the winner on May 15th will likely be the next state treasurer. Nebraskans are urged to beat the rush and set their money on fire, or just move to Iowa before November.
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