food & dining, sandwich week

DN Columnist Enters Witness Protection After Negative Review of Sips & Subs Sandwich

Lincoln NE (SN) – The FBI was rushed to the star city over the weekend to place a Daily Nebraskan columnist in protective custody after a negative review of a Reuben sandwich at Sips & Subs created massive backlash.

UNL student Karin Ellefson rated the popular menu item a 2.5 out of 5, adding that the sandwich was “flimsy and soggy.” An outpouring of disagreement flooded the student newspaper’s comments section.

“You wouldn’t know a Reuben if it produced a Beastie Boys album.” poked one user.

sipsnsubs02
Sips & Subs | 1326 S 33rd St, Lincoln, NE

The commentary didn’t end there, as other Sips & Subs lovers took their protest to social media.

“Who does this punk mother fuck think he is? We might have to stomp this kid out and get sloppy joes.” Arne Franklin said of Ms. Ellefson on Facebook.

UNL administrators caught wind of the backfire on the web and immediately reached out to law enforcement, who ultimately decided it would be best to hand the case over to the Federal government. Ellefson was placed in a safe house in protective custody Saturday morning and later privately flown to Vermont to live a new life under the witness protection program.

Under the new identity “Karen Ellefson,” Karin’s secret identity was blown when she was overheard bitching about a the durability of a hamburger at a Montpelier Wendy’s location by a former Lincolnite turned Vermont fast food employee. She is assumed back in protective custody.

 

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s