Lincoln NE (SN) – Superstar rocker Tommy Lee has cancelled plans to return to the University of Nebraska – Lincoln next fall to film season 2 of his reality show, “Tommy Lee Goes to College,” citing rising tuition rates. “I’m really bummed bro,” said a beaten and battered Tommy Lee. “I was super stoked to go back to fake school but the tuition has gone up so much I can’t afford it. It’s not like I’m made of money.”
“I had my fake dorm room all ready to go in the apothecary building and my fake roommate all picked out, Trevor, solid dude. I was going to have a super hot tutor I could flirt with while she tried to teach me about chemistry or some shit. They even cancelled the geography class I was going to take. It was going to be so epic but I guess it was just not meant to be.”
Tommy Lee’s two-week stint on campus next September would have cost him over $2000 just in tuition, and that didn’t include books or student fees.
“They were going to charge me $175 just for access to the rec center,” Tommy told reporters. “The only recreation I was going to be doing was banging co-eds, know what I’m saying bro? Yeah, high five.”
In a last ditch effort to green light the taping, producers suggested the founding Mötley Crüe member apply for financial aid.
“I submitted my FAFSA form and applied for some pell grants but I was denied for all of them. Apparently those are just for poor kids and not ‘multi-millionaires.’ Thanks Obama.” he said.
Tommy Lee spoke through a swollen lip received in a recent altercation with his 21-year old son. “I was looking forward to living the fake college lifestyle for a bit so I could leave my family behind for a while, you know, forget about my troubles. I guess I’ll just have to go back home and bang my 31-year old model fiancee and try to find some joy in that.”