food & dining, lincoln, politics

Alt-Right To Hiro: “Go Back To Your Own Country on the Adorable Wooden Sushi Boat You Came In On”

Lincoln NE (SN) – Sushi restaurant Hiro 88 is under attack by right wing Lincolnites, demanding that they “go back to their own country on the adorable wooden miniature sushi boat they came in on.” This Easter Sunday, a small protest group even surrounded the new 56th and Pine Lake addition to the franchise.

Reporters were able to speak to Trent Peterson, a 68 year old Lincoln native and lead organizer of the movement, as he held a sign that read “Reverse Happy Hour Makes Me Reverse Happy.”

“These Chinese people have been poisoning our town with their “foe” soup, Dance Dance Revolution, and raw fish bullshit for years. They are turning everyone into a snooty prick!” Peterson adjusted his MAGA hat. “It is time for all of these Chinese to move back to South Korea to “their real Hiro” Kim Jong whatever his name is.”

“The future that Liberals want” at Hiro88 Sushi.

There were a few other notable protest signs: “God Hates Seaweed,” “Chopstick It Up Your Ass,” “Soybean Farmers Against Soy Sauce,” and a play on “Heads are gonna roll” with cute little sushi rolls drawn underneath. The protesters don’t plan on giving up the fight any time soon, either.

“We’re all on social security… well my boy Kip is on disability after a landscaping injury… but we aren’t going anywhere. That’s my point. We need to put the Americans back in America.” Trent added. “We’ll be out here rain or shine until this eyesore isn’t ruining our view of the quaint Campbell’s Nursery headquarters. I don’t care if it takes months. You do the math. You are the ones that are supposedly so good at math.”

Despite the protests, both Hiro 88 restaurants were packed with customers all day Sunday, taking snapchats of each and every wooden sushi boat that was served.

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