Lincoln NE (SN) – After three grueling months of publication, sixty five articles, 45 thousand readers, and two lame ass legal threats from soon-to-be unemployed Gate 25 employees, Smell Nebraska is posting our last article.
Smell Nebraska will be re-branding as an art collective/skate park/local micropub/music venue/diy space/first Friday location/place that “hip” moms and dads try to push baby strollers around without bumping into one another.
“The last three months have exceeded all expectations,” stated the journalist while wiping tears from his eyes. “This editorial giant was built in my mother’s basement near North Star High School, and now the greatest art collective/skate park/local micropub/music venue/diy space/first Friday location/place that “hip” moms and dads try to push baby strollers around without bumping into one another.. place will continue to live on in my mother’s basement near North Star High School.”
Like Jesus Christ himself on this historic Easter Sunday, Smell Nebraska will rise up (and above) to the future of community accessibility and political correctness following the necessary cruxifixction and subsequent resurrection of this fake news site.
“The political correctness in this country is too toxic for us to continue making up nonsense. Eventually we are going to write an article about farts that will offend every single person in America, and we dread that day,” the editor noted. “At this very moment, left leaning Nebraskans are arguing on Facebook about whether or not Queer Eye is an offensive show to women. We just have to hang up the whole “exclusive news” thing. Nothing is good enough for anybody anymore. Better to burn out than be burned in effigy.”
“We definitely want to thank the subscribers. It was a good fiscal quarter and I know no one is going to miss us much. By we I mean me, Darren. Or I mean I. I mean the editor. Sorry I shouldn’t have said that. God dammit this is going to be a thing again isn’t it? Fuck.”
Smell Nebraska was thankful for two very capable submitting contributors during our attempt at journalism. Smell Nebraska is now hiring INTERNS to do run every aspect of the website moving forward while I go on a well deserved vacation. If you are skilled in journalism, photography, graphic design, catering, spin doctoring, architecture, heating and air conditioning, paralegal, bookkeeping, lawn maintenance, masseusery, concubining, or shredding the gnar gnar, please email us at SmellNebraska(at)gmail.com and let us know how you want to waft the smell.
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