Columbus NE (SN) – 37-year-old landscaper and basic training dropout Davey Johnson accomplished the impossible Tuesday night, convincing a tight knit group of regional Facebook friends to reverse their opposition of President Donald J. Trump and the Republican party with a perfect storm of comments and YouTube links.
“I had just gotten done dropping my kid off with her bitch mother when I decided to sit down on my computer to have some political discussions with my friends on Facebook.” Johnson told Smell Nebraska. “A guy I graduated high school with lives in Omaha now. He’s a liberal. Started spouting off some praise for that paid actor claiming to be a Florida school shooting suspect. I had to educate him and his friends.”
Davey was referring to Cameron Kasky, the seventeen year old survivor of the massacre at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in February.
“I had to inform the ignorant sheep on that Facebook thread of the truth. Did you know that a liberal paid a half a million people to march in Washington this weekend to try to take away our constitutional rights?” Johnson nodded with confidence.
It seems the content of Johnson’s replies did not lead to the inevitable victory of the political “discussion,” but rather his finding a sweet spot, a magic number of replies to the Facebook post, leaving his opposition completely destroyed.
“He commented on my status update four hundred and seventy-eight times,” noted liberal Omaha resident, and Facebook friend Aaron Miller. “I think the last time I saw David was my junior year of high school when he threw a live raccoon in my study hall for his senior prank. It was so stupid.”
Aaron Miller eats his words now, realizing he is in fact the stupid one.
“Oh yeah, I registered as a Republican as soon as I woke up this morning!” Miller smiled. “I took away a lot of information from our group discussion on my social media post about empowered youth. Did you know that former President Obama is from Africa and Hillary Clinton’s emails hold secret military plans to outlaw everyone that isn’t transgender? Fucking terrifying! I better donate some money to Mitch McConnell, he seems like a smart dude.”
Davey’s political presence continued to make waves to others that “Liked” or contributed to the post, until all 13 users involved switched political affiliation and joined the Grand Old Party.
“I have a child with down syndrome, so Trump’s offensive remarks about the disabled before his election turned me off immediately,” said single mother Linda Norquist from Grand Island. “Fortunately, after watching a YouTube video that some guy wearing a camouflage hat and holding a fish as his profile photo shared on my friend Aaron Miller’s post on Facebook, my beautiful child and I know for sure that the President of the United States never said those things. Obviously the video was doctored by Planned Parenthood and spread by the liberal media.”